Have you ever had one of those weeks... um months... and months.... when you feel like you are in a never ending cycle of crisis and chaos? You don't dare say, "what next" for fear you'll find out? You are beginning to think there really is something to that whole "Law of Attraction" crap and you are on the wrong side of it? Yeah.

Here I am again just before Christmas, sitting here alternately crying and just wanting to, thinking, "Damn, I really didn't pull it out. I'm not going to be able to give my loved ones anything for Christmas unless I just flat refuse to pay the rent and buy groceries. What? You say I bring this on myself? I've been married to this man for over 20 years and hoping each year that he won't withdraw into a little incommunicative shell of wounded little passive/aggressive boychild by November 30th is getting sillier and sillier each year? If I just accepted that he is going to be unsupportive and ... just a huge pain every December, and just start planning for Christmas from around March then I wouldn't be in this fix? Is that what you think? I should count my blessings that nowadays it is just December that he goes over the edge instead of from early October on? Well... just... shut up.